Fallout Equestria: SAT

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Faindragon
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Fallout Equestria: SAT

Postby Faindragon » Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:53 pm

Fallout Equestria: SAT
Index Page: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MiRBH3COLSDNvp4A9iYOLncoWLrOPfU81x3eoQ4Kzqw/edit
Now also on FimFiction: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/37389/Fallout-Equestria---SAT
Chapters: 3
Word Count: ~22 700
Synopsis:
"The only thing I can remember is waking up in a clinic, sealed inside a room..."

Nearly two hundred years after the Great War, an earth pony awakes from stasis in a Ministry of Peace clinic -- parts of his body replaced, and his memories gone. Without knowing anything about what awaits him, he leaves the safety of the clinic for the Equestrian Wasteland, in search of what he can no longer remember.



After a lot of thinking have I decided to start working on my own FoE side story. (Huge thanks to Kkat for the original story, Somber for Project Horizons and all other wonderful authors for their stories, whether I have read them or not)

And what is a better place to ask for thoughts about what you have written than on this forum, dedicated for Fallout Equestria?

Any and all thoughts, corrections and critic is more than welcome! Please note that I'm not a native English speaker, and my grammar might be completely off at places. I would love a comment on these places!

Faindragon Out.
Last edited by Faindragon on Sat Jul 21, 2012 7:49 am, edited 8 times in total.

sargecadet
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Re: Yet another FoE story (No name yet)

Postby sargecadet » Sat Jun 09, 2012 7:55 pm

Looks cool. You do need an editor, however, because I spotted a few places that could use some correcting. As far as a first chapter goes, however, it's pretty good. It establishes the scene, leaves a lot of mystery open for speculation, and takes a grip of the reader and shows a clear picture of an interesting setting.

However, you really need a title. The title is the first part of your story someone sees, so it has to be pretty catchy.
Also, I'd lik to recommend that subsequent chapters are longer. About 5000 is okay for a short, scene setting chapter like this, but for a really meaty chapter with more plot advancement, 7000+ is pretty much a minimum.

Well, that all I can think of at the moment. Good luck on your writing!
Read my story, FO:E Honest Herds, here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/30307/Fallout%3A-Equestria%3A-Honest-Herds
Shoot me a message and tell me what you think!

Faindragon
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Re: Yet another FoE story (No name yet)

Postby Faindragon » Sun Jun 10, 2012 6:44 am

Thanks for your input, Sargecadet.

I continued with some more words, realizing that I could end it in a better way than I had previously, and ended up with around 5.4 k words instead. It is hard to end it softly inside of a room this small.

sargecadet
Posts: 34
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:27 am
Location: Currently between wastelands
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Re: Yet another FoE story (No name yet)

Postby sargecadet » Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:49 am

I think you did a good job with this ending. It was appropriately cliffhangery and just enough "dun Dun DUN!"
Good work. I hope you continue this story so that I can read it.
Read my story, FO:E Honest Herds, here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/30307/Fallout%3A-Equestria%3A-Honest-Herds
Shoot me a message and tell me what you think!

Faindragon
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 12:44 pm
Status: Offline

Re: Yet another FoE story (No name yet)

Postby Faindragon » Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:09 am

I will try to continue it, only need a name and "what the buck is going to happen" for it ;)

Faindragon
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Re: Fallout Equestria: SAT [Work Name]

Postby Faindragon » Mon Jun 18, 2012 9:22 am

I have now started to work on the second chapter, but it goes slower than I like!

Faindragon
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Re: Fallout Equestria: SAT [Work Name]

Postby Faindragon » Wed Jun 20, 2012 1:41 pm

I noticed that I had derped totally and forgot giving view right on the docs... It's fixed now!

Faindragon
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Re: Fallout Equestria: SAT [Work Name]

Postby Faindragon » Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:39 pm

After having a really good writing day, with more than 4 k words written, I have now finished chapter two. I would love some comments and thoughts on these two first drafts.

sargecadet
Posts: 34
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:27 am
Location: Currently between wastelands
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Re: Fallout Equestria: SAT [Work Name]

Postby sargecadet » Thu Jun 21, 2012 5:29 pm

Neat, I'll try to read it when I get some time
Read my story, FO:E Honest Herds, here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/30307/Fallout%3A-Equestria%3A-Honest-Herds
Shoot me a message and tell me what you think!

Faindragon
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 12:44 pm
Status: Offline

Re: Fallout Equestria: SAT

Postby Faindragon » Mon Jul 09, 2012 3:46 pm

The second chapter is now finished. Huge thanks to Masquerade313 for helping me out!


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