Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

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Pinkie Pie!
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Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby Pinkie Pie! » Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:26 pm

for the PnP roleplaying game I created Ember, a pyromaniac unicorn mare. When thinking of a background for her she started to become more and more alive for me. So I decided to write it out as a story. Since this is actually the first time I have written a proper story I reckon I could use some help improving it. So if you are willing to proofread just send me a message and I will give you the rights to alter. Furthermore any criticism is appreciated, so feel free to give your opinion. Anyway, here is Ashes to Ashes - Chapter 1: Memories
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby otherunicorn » Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:12 pm

Proof read.
That was hot! (I was going to say cool ... but ... well, you know!)

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby Pinkie Pie! » Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:55 pm

Thank you for proofreading!
I fixed the things you mentioned and I'm glad you liked it :D
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby Pinkie Pie! » Mon Jan 09, 2012 8:04 am

i made a new chapter!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YEQ ... edit?hl=nl
comments are appreciated
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby otherunicorn » Mon Jan 09, 2012 6:45 pm

will get to this after I've been to the dentist. (hole transfer system. Fill hole in tooth. Create hole in wallet.)

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby Pinkie Pie! » Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:14 pm

good luck at the dentist, holes are never fun. I only had one once, luckily it was still a milk tooth and it could be pulled out. still not fun though.
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby otherunicorn » Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:21 am

I'm not doing too badly. by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!
Proof read. Do I detect a little of Demi in Ember?

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby Arcane_Scroll » Tue Jan 10, 2012 4:14 am

otherunicorn wrote:by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!

At 41 and in the same boat, five teeth ended up missing pieces over time :(

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby Pinkie Pie! » Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:40 am

good to hear it went well. Thank you for the proof read, I fixed the things you pointed out. Also, thanks to you I know now the difference between lying and laying :D
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!

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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

Postby Pinkie Pie! » Sat Jan 14, 2012 9:54 pm

Chapter 3 is up for proofreading
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!


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