Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
- Pinkie Pie!
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Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
for the PnP roleplaying game I created Ember, a pyromaniac unicorn mare. When thinking of a background for her she started to become more and more alive for me. So I decided to write it out as a story. Since this is actually the first time I have written a proper story I reckon I could use some help improving it. So if you are willing to proofread just send me a message and I will give you the rights to alter. Furthermore any criticism is appreciated, so feel free to give your opinion. Anyway, here is Ashes to Ashes - Chapter 1: Memories
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!
- otherunicorn
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
Proof read.
That was hot! (I was going to say cool ... but ... well, you know!)
That was hot! (I was going to say cool ... but ... well, you know!)
Fallout Equestria. We're no Heroes http://www.fimfiction.net/story/3637/Fa ... -no-Heroes
- Pinkie Pie!
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
Thank you for proofreading!
I fixed the things you mentioned and I'm glad you liked it
I fixed the things you mentioned and I'm glad you liked it

Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!
- otherunicorn
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
will get to this after I've been to the dentist. (hole transfer system. Fill hole in tooth. Create hole in wallet.)
Fallout Equestria. We're no Heroes http://www.fimfiction.net/story/3637/Fa ... -no-Heroes
- Pinkie Pie!
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
good luck at the dentist, holes are never fun. I only had one once, luckily it was still a milk tooth and it could be pulled out. still not fun though.
Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!
- otherunicorn
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
I'm not doing too badly. by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!
Proof read. Do I detect a little of Demi in Ember?
Proof read. Do I detect a little of Demi in Ember?
Fallout Equestria. We're no Heroes http://www.fimfiction.net/story/3637/Fa ... -no-Heroes
- Arcane_Scroll
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
otherunicorn wrote:by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!
At 41 and in the same boat, five teeth ended up missing pieces over time

- Pinkie Pie!
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
good to hear it went well. Thank you for the proof read, I fixed the things you pointed out. Also, thanks to you I know now the difference between lying and laying 

Everything will end in sunshine and rainbows!
- Pinkie Pie!
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Re: Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes
Chapter 3 is up for proofreading
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