FoE: Broken Steel

General discussion about the wonderful Fallout: Equestria side stories.
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Appletart
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FoE: Broken Steel

Postby Appletart » Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:01 am

Hi.

I loved Fallout Equestria and the hugely popullar side story, Project Horizons and i was inspired to do my own side story that i called "Fallout Equestria: Broken Steel" (I suck at names).

Follow the adventures of the Rogue Steel Ranger as she journeys the Equestrian Wasteland with a task to find out why her life took such a turn for the worst.

http://lex-the-pikachu.deviantart.com/gallery/33113762

I would also like to appologise if my writing isn't that good. I'm not much of a writer.

Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoy my work.

mimezinga
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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby mimezinga » Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:46 am

hey there, i've read the story so far, i must say that your english improves at least a bit with the story going on, i'd suggest you to re-read the first chapters and fixthe things you see that don't work (language wise) and i'd suggest you to try to get an english first language pre-reader

SPOILER FROM HERE

anyhow, the story is very interesting, i like the idea of the pregnant protagonist and the crossover with C&C was unexpected, I'm following your story with interest.

Keep on the good work and try getting some help with the language and the style, a good story deserves a good form ^_^

Mimezinga

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Appletart
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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby Appletart » Sat Oct 29, 2011 7:45 am

I'm glad your liking it so far.

Yeah, i've never been much of a writer but i have someone who supposidly proof reads the chapter before i upload it.

Spoiler for anyone who hasn't read it yet.

The C&C refrence was an idea i had in my head for a long long time if they couldn't save the world from Tiberium, remembering the alien crash encounter in Fallout 3 where you get the Firelance i just had to throw them together :3

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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby The Jack » Sat Oct 29, 2011 8:13 am

This involves Rangers?
goodie! It's on my "to read" list then.
The ever growing to read list... xD
Fallout: Equestria; Aqua Pura; viewtopic.php?f=17&t=107

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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby Appletart » Sat Oct 29, 2011 11:18 am

My fic also includes the Infected from PH plus a little more.

Spoiler!!

Infected Rangers

mimezinga
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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby mimezinga » Sat Oct 29, 2011 11:38 am

yes, but remember that a good idea must be suppoerted by good exposition, read a lot and re-read what you write a lot, really, the part with the infecteds was hard to understand for me, i am not EFL and i simply couldn't understand what was going on in the scene with motorhead. work on it, give the story a nice shape, it will help you a lot.

mimezinga

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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby The Jack » Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:27 pm

Appletart wrote:My fic also includes the Infected from PH plus a little more.

Spoiler!!

Infected Rangers


Infected?
What do you mean infected?
I can't remember anything infected from PH xD
Well, except the Raider virus. :pipshrug:

On that note, raider Rangers would be terrifying.
Fallout: Equestria; Aqua Pura; viewtopic.php?f=17&t=107

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Appletart
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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby Appletart » Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:32 pm

Yea the Raider Decease. I like to call them the Infected. I thought that was a good idea in PH

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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby The Jack » Sat Oct 29, 2011 9:31 pm

Appletart wrote:Yea the Raider Decease. I like to call them the Infected. I thought that was a good idea in PH


Ah, I see.
...
I seriously do not want to meet infected Rangers. xD
Might be an awesome thing to have in a story though. xD
Fallout: Equestria; Aqua Pura; viewtopic.php?f=17&t=107

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Re: FoE: Broken Steel

Postby tigra » Wed Oct 28, 2015 3:24 am

:lwalk: автор у тебя проблемы , свижись самной тигра



Zyon был родом из стабильных 53, конюшня находится недалеко от города Manechester. Zyon узнал павших

Fallout: Equestria - Спуск Оглядевшись, кобылка увидела, что Блаэт о чём-то разговаривают с миссис Твинкл.
Надо бы им
И какую-то девочку, единорожку с жёлтой гривой и светло-фиолетовой шерсткой, чуть постарше Ирис, внимательно слушающую их.
-…поймите, что выхода нет. У нас есть два варианта. Или довести всех в пятьдесят третье и уговорить разместить жеребят там…
-Без родителей? Они же будут искать их… здесь….
«Без родителей? Что? Блаэт же не повезёт их одних? Она должна найти их родителей? Родителей… жеребят, собравшихся со всего города…»
— И не успеют. – Блаэт резко поднесла к мордочке Твинкл Шайн ногу с пипбаком.-
Last edited by tigra on Wed Oct 28, 2015 4:22 am, edited 2 times in total.


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